The Crucifixion, 2017

Inspired by true events. And?
So is every third studio film, nowadays.
Father Dumitru (Catalin Babliuc). And?
He would fit in perfectly with the rest of the cast of The Witch by Robert Eggers. And?
Reporter Nicole Rawlins (Sophie Cookson) and her neglectful uncle Phil (Jeff Rawle). And?
Rawlins’ boob slip. Uncle Phil’s picture on an American food chain. Not that kinda food chain, stupid.

Father Anton (Corneliu Ulici). And?
Could use some grooming in the bureau of the hairdo.
Five nuns and a priest under arrest. And?
What kind of a reporter is Miss Nicole ‘Boob Slip’ Rawlins anyway?
What is she doing in the office when she should be out in the streets of Bucharest.

That sounds familiar… Oh, yeah; that is what my supervisor keeps telling me, minus the Romanian connection.
Google product placement/permission to use logo too expensive for the producers of this film.
Nicole ‘Boob Slip’ Rawlins does not believe in God. And?
Half the world doesn’t; couldn’t mean He stops running half of the blue planet. Why not?

The possessed BFF. And?
She looks like a young Nicole Kidman.
Yes, there was once a young Nicole Kidman. And?
Bee hive crotch. Enough to change subject.
Sister Adelina Marinescu (Ada Lupu).

“Hello, it’s me – I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet”
What are the chances of my ex-wife reading this?
Zero to none.
Southeastern European boy in pig mask. And?
Not connected tothe rest of the screenplay.

Those bad guys from The Strangers, 2008 in the backseat of Nicole ‘Boob Slip’ Rawlin’s VW sedan? And?
“You will question” (the film’s motives). And?
“Everything you Believe”, coupled with a needle being brought close to the eye. Ouch.
“Will be Lost in a Field of Tall Grass”
And?
Sadly, nothing. Nothing at all. The Indian says “Nothing at all” when asked what did he die for.
Sad indeed.